A sad evening:
Shawn and Flesha were just doing their daily things in till the kids get home.They would just sit there looking at the ocean from the window in there lovely bright green and white house on the beach. Luckily it was nice and sunny day with a bright blue sky because the view is better in the light then the dark. It was only an hour left till the kids would get back from school.
Shawn Mendes Is the 40 year old dad He loves to be a workout teacher but today he wanted to take a day off. He also loves to workout and flex a lot he is also very sunburn because he is outside all the time for his work. He took a day off because his family where going on a trip to a Halloween party. But Where it was located was way too far for them so they decided to leave as soon as the kids got home from school. Flesha Is the lovely mother of the family and Is trying to wait patiently for the kids the come home. Flesha loves to cook for a living and is trying to open her own cooking show,she is also 40 years old and wrinkly. Finally the kids were home Jeff walk in then Bob.
Jeff Is 14 years old he is a High school student that's hates school. Everyday he try’s to be sick so he won’t have to go to school. But he is also very pail because he wants to just stay inside and do nothing but play video games. Bob is the perfect one in the family he is 10 years old and wants everything he’s dose to be the best he can do he also has brown hair like the rest of his family. He's the opposite to his brother because Bob loves school and Jeff doesn't.
Bob Hugged Shawn and Flesha then went up to do his homework and get ready for the Halloween party. While that was happening Jeff drop his bag and said “Shawn Flesha I need to tell you something important”. They replied “Sure”. Jeff was nervous so he just went and said it so quick they couldn’t understand what he said. He said “I dropped out of school, today was my last day”. Shawn and Flesha didn’t know what to do so they decided to Ground him from any devices and he had to stay in his room till they knew what to do.About 1 day later they decided on what they were gonna do.
Shawn and Flesha yelled “Jeff get here We need to talk to you!!!”. Shawn,Flesha and Bob were mad because they couldn’t go to the party last night because of Jeff. Jeff walked out happy because he didn’t have to go to school well he thinks that. Shawn said to “Jeff if you don’t want to go to school then you would have to clean dirty toilets for a living”. Jeff said”no no please no!!”. Jeff learnt to go to school and be able to have a better job than cleaning toilets.
Hi Kayla, I love your Narrative Writing. It is well said and It is amazing because this story will help kids want to go to school to learn and that's great. But there are a few mistakes in your story.But the rest is great.Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteTo Matthew
DeleteThank you Matthew I will go now and fix them now.
From Kayla
Hi Gadsby
ReplyDeleteYour writing is amazing! My favourite parts of the story are the ones with Shawn Mendes in them! Anyways I think you need to add more descriptive words to make it more exciting! Keep up the amazing work and I can't wait to see more work from you!
From Flesha (A.K.A Alesha)
Hi Kayla its Kalim here I have loved the way that you have put the right punctuation into your writing. Maybe you should go through and read it again because some of it does not make sense. You have also done a good job at describing you characters so keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete